Sunday, November 20, 2011

Save the Florida Panthers

National Wildlife Federation
11100 Wildlife Center Dr
Reston VA 20190

Dear Sir/Madam:

I am an artist living near Chicago, IL.

I would like to propose a performance art piece to raise awareness about the issue of the endangered wildcats, particularly the Florida panthers. I am asking for your support and funding for this to be done at your headquarters in Reston, VA.

The idea is to assemble 200 cougars in front of the building to represent that 200 or fewer panthers (also considered a cougar) left in the wild. But, in case you thought I meant LIVE cougars, let me clarify.

I am proposing to have cougars as they have come to mean in popular vernacular.  Cougars, as you probably know, are older women  who are primarily attracted to and have sex with significantly younger men. They are typically woman 40 years of age or older who exclusively pursue very young men.

The question arises as to, “Does a cougar KNOW she’s a cougar?” Would they be willing to come forward and make it known publicly they are cougars? I would make the criteria that they date men at least ten years younger to qualify for purposes of this art piece.

 It is also unclear if the term  ‘cougar’ was assigned because of  the big-game predatory cat of the same name, or if it alludes to the wearing of animal print clothing by older and more sexually aggressive women; therefore, I would have all the women wear animal prints.

I think it also might be interesting to hire young male strippers to dance at this event, but I would leave that up to your discretion.

I would need funding to pay for the strippers and also the travel expenses of the 200 cougars to VA.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Diane Keys
407 S. Liberty Street
Elgin, IL  60120

Cc: cougar life.com

13 comments:

Nancy said...

LAUGHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG !!! Every now and then I just have to say it: you are hysterical. I laugh at least twenty times more than before I ran into you. Thanks D!
p.s. I hope you get the funding and permissions.

Kate said...

Hysterical!!!!!!! I can't wait to read the response! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

John M. Bennett said...

One of these days one of these genius proposals is gonna be accepted. Be prepared!

Dark wall said...

Genius, DK. I agree with John though. Be prepared to stage these things.

- DKULTNY

PS - I'm looking for an artist to perform mt new shredpo score. You have scissors and cut everything you are wearing into shreds so the pieces are falling off (documented on video). Then shreds go out as mail-art.

Diane Keys said...

You guys are right that I should be prepared for them to call my bluff. I would be begging and pleading for your guys to help me pull it off. How on earth could I assemble 200 cougars by myself?

Nancy Bell Scott said...

Svenja might be able to help. Oh, no, she just has pictures, not the real thing.

Diane Keys said...

Why Nancy? Is Svenja a cougar?

Nancy Bell Scott said...

Not that I know of, you little twister, but I see you are spreading such rumors at IUOMA.

De Villo Sloan said...

I saw the thing at IUOMA about Svenja being a cougar. She definitely is not. She's a bunny and a sweet girl. Geez.

- DKULTNY

Diane Keys said...

Nancy's comment confused me that Svenja would somehow be able to help me assemble 200 cougars. Now I hear she is a rabbit and now I have to come up with some art project involving rabbits. Nothing too political though. hmmmm

kdj said...

I just now read this (I'm, uh, a tad behind the times), and you are absolutely the biggest hoot on the planet.

BTW, I hear Svenja is a cougar.

mim said...

I love this series of letters! A book, a book!

Diane Keys said...

Thanks Mim-that's my plan but I'm still waiting on responses. Only got one really good one so far so wish me luck on some juicy letters to come back