Sunday, November 20, 2011

Save the Florida Panthers

National Wildlife Federation
11100 Wildlife Center Dr
Reston VA 20190

Dear Sir/Madam:

I am an artist living near Chicago, IL.

I would like to propose a performance art piece to raise awareness about the issue of the endangered wildcats, particularly the Florida panthers. I am asking for your support and funding for this to be done at your headquarters in Reston, VA.

The idea is to assemble 200 cougars in front of the building to represent that 200 or fewer panthers (also considered a cougar) left in the wild. But, in case you thought I meant LIVE cougars, let me clarify.

I am proposing to have cougars as they have come to mean in popular vernacular.  Cougars, as you probably know, are older women  who are primarily attracted to and have sex with significantly younger men. They are typically woman 40 years of age or older who exclusively pursue very young men.

The question arises as to, “Does a cougar KNOW she’s a cougar?” Would they be willing to come forward and make it known publicly they are cougars? I would make the criteria that they date men at least ten years younger to qualify for purposes of this art piece.

 It is also unclear if the term  ‘cougar’ was assigned because of  the big-game predatory cat of the same name, or if it alludes to the wearing of animal print clothing by older and more sexually aggressive women; therefore, I would have all the women wear animal prints.

I think it also might be interesting to hire young male strippers to dance at this event, but I would leave that up to your discretion.

I would need funding to pay for the strippers and also the travel expenses of the 200 cougars to VA.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration.


Diane Keys
407 S. Liberty Street
Elgin, IL  60120

Cc: cougar

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

New Art Proposal inspired by Dear Kate


United Airlines
Corporate Headquarters
77 W. Wacker Dr.
Chicago, IL 60601

Dear Sir/Madam:

I am a local artist and I am writing in regards to an art project that I would like to propose to United Airlines. This would be a combination of art exhibit and installation.

Since the Wright Brothers were first inspired by turkey vultures, mankind has been obsessed with the idea of flight.

To honor this, I am collecting hand turkey drawings from all around the world.  Each contributor is writing what the possibility of flight means to them. Some responses so far have been, “airplane”, “flying”, and “unicorn”.  Responses have come from all around the world, such as, Thailand, South Africa, and Elgin, IL.

I would like to display the artwork along with a large, 100 pound pile of turkey vulture feathers. I would also like to have a stuffed turkey vulture as the centerpiece. This way the artwork would fan out as though it were an extension of the actual feathers.

I would love to be able to have this exhibit in a United Airlines venue. Your support would mean a lot.

Thank you very much for your time and attention.


Diane Keys
407 South Liberty Street
Elgin, IL  60120


Monday, November 7, 2011

Art Proposal Was answered but Redirected

Del Monte Foods
One Maritime PlazaSan Francisco, CA 94111

RE:  Nine Lives Cat Food

Dear Sir/Madam:

I am writing regarding your cat food brand, which my cat likes quite well.

I am an artist, and I would like to know if you would be willing to donate 100,000 cans of cat food to my  art performance piece.  It is my desire to create the worlds tallest tower made of cat food cans in hopes of breaking the world record for stacking things of this sort.

Your generous donation would bring attention to your brand and support my art.

I would also like to propose that this be done  in front of the DelMonte building in San Francisco.

Thank you for reading and I hope to hear from you favorably regarding this proposal.

Thanks and kind regards,

Diane Keys

My Art Proposal Went Unanswered

Secretary of State
595 S State St # 5, Elgin, IL 60123-7687

Dear Sir/Madam:

I am a local artist, and I am writing regarding an art project that I would like  propose. I would like to do a performance piece about the need for  driving safety.

I would like to do this piece in front of the motor vehicle building. I plan to collect large amounts of road kill and put them in a pile to remind people that driving too fast can have dire consequences.

I would hand select the road kill, taking all hygenic precautions, so there would be no work involved by you.

I would just like permission to use the building as the location for my piece/art installation.
This would only last one day and I would then remove the carcasses.

Thank you very much for your consideration.  I hope to hear favorably regarding this idea.
Kind regards,

Diane Keys